Netflix and chill?

   It's very hard to find a girl who actually likes you for who you are. Most women want to know if you have a good job and lots of money. Or if not it's ok if you're 6'4" and have a 6 pack. But they won't marry you. Unless you also have that and also the money too.

   Women deny it all the time, but it's true. They won't bother getting to know a guy unless he has x, y, or z. And I don't want a woman who likes me for those reasons. What if I lose everything, will you no longer love me? What if there was a nuclear war and we were all left to scavenge and farm. That big job at the law firm wouldn't mean anything. 

What would matter is having someone who you could truly love and trust. 

We are a peasant society with the expectations of royalty.

We have no loyalties. 

We don't bond anymore. Except through LCD screens and through 140 characters or less. 

We care about status. The working class kings and queens. Whatever happened to romance and falling? Did these things ever exist? Or were they always just a childhood fantasy. The idea that someone can love you for who you are on the inside. And not for what designer labels you wear, what foreign country they'll take you to, or the depth of their bank accounts. We treat relationships like venture capitalists looking for solid investments for the future. What's the potential payout? Where is this person going to be 10 years from now?

How about investing with your heart? How about looking past the labels, into someone's soul? What's the potential payout if you love someone truly and deeply for the person they are, despite the crumbling mountains of debt around you. The American dollar won't last forever. Would you be a senator of fallen Rome? Would you be a slave trader after emancipation? What do you have left after all material is lost? Look inside yourself, despite that exterior beauty. Is the reflection looking back at you anything but ugly?

Check my status

The Internet is a boneyard filled with the remains of what used to be humanity. If you listen close you can hear their souls whispering tweets and posting status updates.

Dry

Passion is a well well fracked

Keep pumping

But the earth is dry

There's not enough for tears

Not enough for life

The clay is baked

The shape is set

Your attempts form cracks

But the expression remains

Look into my eyes

Pottery glazed

Underneath I pray for rain

Intoxicated Facebook Rant

I don't really understand people. The harder I try to understand, the less I feel that I do. What fuels the narcissism so prevalent in the world I see around me? Is it cultural or societal? The more I learn about different people from all over the world, the less I feel you can make that argument. It seems to be part of our nature. I am no saint. I am not perfect. But I self reflect often. I give without expectation. I'm self sacrificing. I sometimes come across as devoid of emotion or as some sort of asshole, but I genuinely care. Do I do these things for acceptance? Do I do them so people will love me? I'm not really sure. I find myself retreating into a more selfish version of myself. Not because my heart has changed, but because I have become bitter and resentful. Why are people's expectations of others so high? I'm not speaking about expecting someone to be enjoyable to be around or to be a good person. I'm talking about the superficial expectations that people have, even when they themselves have little to offer. What can you do for me? Will I look better if I'm associated with you? What can you give me? What is your net worth? I don't want to be associated with anyone who has these questions. I used to believe that most people were like me. That most people were kind individuals who genuinely care about who a person is and the conduct of their character. Everyone seems so concerned about What you are. And not Who you are. How does this person make me feel? Could I have conversation without effort? I used to think that women felt amorous and romantic the same way that I sometimes do. But it seems that altruism, romance, and passion doesn't exist in most women. At least not in 2015. And not in the way I always thought growing up. We grew up watching Disney, movies, and tv shows where people fell in love with who the other was. No matter how poor or rich. We watched countless stories of love developing across classes. Jack and Rose. Aladdin and Jasmine. We saw dramatic romances blossom on television like Cory and Topanga. And in my idealistic mind, I once thought that the romanticised version of romance was real. That people could love each other, friend or lover, for deeper reasons. I thought that most women wanted something like that. Many like the entertainment value of a Nicholas Sparks novel, but few actually want to live it. And it's not just romantic relationships or women. Men are equally as callous and cold. Equally as superficial. Though the objects of desire tend to be different between the sexes. Many men are just guilty of assuming that women are somehow better than us, more caring, or more loving. I'm tired of being a person who falls on my sword or looks beyond the epidermis. I just wish someone could look at me with the same x-ray vision. I wish people would stimulate my mind more. I wish people would talk more. Conviene and bond with one another. Start a conversation with a stranger. Stop judging folks on what the car they drive, the money in their bank account, and the house they have. They are indicators of many things about what a person is. They don't tell you who that person is. Enjoy someone. Enjoy their presence. Embrace them.

The Wake (2008)

A man covered

Shadows for sheets

And little rays that pierce the protection

Pillows of hope

They reek of flowers, feminine

Stiff with the mortis

All seems to be alive

Yet there are no beats

His skin is warm

His face is wet

All outside is booming and thumping

The incandescent lights shine

Door creaks closed quietly

No one comes to him here

Not one bothers to break this illusion

As a picture reel runs over memories

The Flowers permeate

Inducers of emotions

That glow violently in his mind

This room, his room

A mecca for all that’s gone

All the relics lay scattered around

Visual stimulation

Stubs and papers, Poems and pictures

Remind him

Music plays softly

He can hear it in the background

The songs of his faith

He is in love

He knows this now

She is nothing

But he is always there to jump

He is always there to run

Manipulate everything

To make the world hers

And now this is only place she lives

In comfort alone, under cover

With pain to release her

And water to ease her

Fermented drinks to cease her

Like the one I sip now

To write horribly

With this tainted mind

I shut the door and press play

Its time to remember

Its time to pray

Intent (2005)

She, with her plastic intention
Sweet smell, and rancid thought
Ran her finger from her lip
Her tongue in a tangle
Legs spaced at the knee
And her Her hair in a dangle
Penetrating eyes, that overcome my doubt
Perfect curves, image of fruit
Juicy and ripe, and ready to burst
Though sweet, it is sour
Though disturbing, so tempting
On hands and knees she crawls to me
Eyes never move
Heart cannot beat
Still locked, her hand now on me
I fall to the ground
And fall twenty feet
Her blanket around my brush
My hand in her touch
The red pair comes closer
They slip onto my face
I fall once more, into outer space
A wild vine grows rapidly around us
In the silence we scream
In our breath we roar
In my mind I forget
I release my reason
She is real
If not for another time
Just to exist right now
Stripped of my mind
Stripped to my body
Entangled in her roots, to rest the night
And to fuse, lose my sight
Make a river run down us
And never turn up soil
Get buried under it
And stay
In me, away
Her intention
Such devious intentions
Will I forget
Or fall down again

Untitled ( 2005)

I saw her hands
Never her face
But I knew it all
And I would not replace, a thought in my mind of her face and her skin
Her nails were the bark of a mature oak
and her hair pre foliage
Many caverns and caves stretched from a finger, to gorges and trenches
And from that same hand I saw a blaze
The ashes, the burn of a smoldering stick
Never her face, with not my eyes
Her face I did see in my mind
From one hand, that reached into my soul
I saw her all
and all I knew

Something for nothing (from 2005)

Something for something

Nothing for nothing

Choose, either way

It still remains the same

So bold, a move

So solid to still

To take the chance

Or kill my will

So forward I gain?

Here I remain

Blank and the same?

To this insanity, I reply

To go backwards would be most wise

Before the choice presented to me

To rob the clock of its dignity

To give back what was given to me

Impossible, perhaps

In my mind its probable

Still, failure now either way

Either way, which way will I sway

Take the dive, or run from the board?

Hah, this something for nothing

Or nothing for something

Something for myself

Myself alone

Myself to rot, to pose like stone

Why oh why, must this mean to me?

Just cast this stone into the sea

I could close my eyes, not to open for eternity

I could dream forever, the perfect dream

A perfect life

The impossibility

Ash

You poke the ashes hoping for some heat

Your eyes fixate on the gray

But there is no red

Consuming cold

These coals have long been dead

There's nothing here but the corpse of a fire

But I'll smile for you

If that will keep you warm

Psychosis

Hello

Did you have a moment to read?

For what are words if not heard?

And what are lines if not seen?

I just wanted to share my disappointment

It's been haunting all my dreams

But this is real now

And reality feels bleak

I'm just a coward

Who can't find the words to speak

So I hide behind my pretty lines

Using metaphors and similes

To euphemize this euthanasia

The euphoric must be beat

Throw away those hopes of mine

And all the memories

Time to say goodbye

I'd learned to fly

But you,

You clipped my wings

Nitghtcapping

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I can write a rhyme about you without singing a song. Maybe it was me. Maybe my lenses have been too clouded up for me, to see the reality. Perhaps that's the exact reason you lowered your defenses so I could see over your fences. This is me at my best. Once I show you mine, you'll forget about the rest.

Fuck....

I've never been about spite. But I hate you. You can't begin to understand me. I always approach with open hand and open mind. But you will never know me. You'll never know my genius and my faults. You'll never know the laughs or the life I bring. You'll never know the happiness I make. The smiles that last for miles after I speak. You don't have seconds or minutes to spare. You don't have the mind or heart to care. You speak false proclamations and declarations. You claim to bleed and die for certain things. But you pass by them as you walk the street. You're impressed by color and inches. You're impressed by lies and speeches. I could dice my heart on a deli slicer and one piece would be more than you could ever handle. I wish I could see you age and wrinkle. Fade out like a star.

I'll cut off my ear for you dear, but don't gogh.

I'm not a word smith

I don't strike iron

But irony strikes me

Pretty peculiar

The lines I give birth to

Full of wisdom

Yet I don't heed

I craft my rhymes with a whittling knife

Form a pencil, stab myself in the heart, then write

I bleed on to this canvas

With each beat squirting splatter

You could finger paint a red Picasso

But face it, your frame can't hold this much gray matter

I find alliteration alluring

Freestyle

If my drink was as strong as my words, my vision would be blurred, my speech would be slurred, I'd struggle for breathe as my blood boils with alcohol, in peace id rest, like a leaf in autumn Id fall

Rapid eye movements

Comfortable
Complacent
Slipping into a warm bath
Falling asleep with candles burning
My mind is my time machine
Isn't it funny?
The past comes back to life
Their faces appear like polaroids
All the girls and boys grown
I'm trapped here in stasis
Will anyone remember me?

Just thoughts

At some point you have to stop being the victim. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop pointing the finger. Stop making excuses. Be the change you want. No one is going to make your life better for you, except you.

I'm taking a trip through my memories. They destroyed that place we used to eat. I remember you'd take me there. Friday nights for dinner, a weekly treat. I was a big eyed child with nothing but the future. I didn't realize I'd hold on to the pain. I'm a grown man now, and of you I am ashamed.

Love?

You can never know love
The way that I know love
You will always chase status
You will always chase coin
These things mean nothing to me
I will never know love
The way that you know love
I will never seek strength
I will never seek security
I seek a woman who truly understands me

Take a hit

Your skin is silk 

No matter how rough

I love the way you stare

The way you move

When we fuck

Your hips have mind

Your legs have life

In this moment I know love

In this moment I'm alive

Passion is a drug

And only you can get me high

Syrup

You tap this tree

The tree of life

My roots go deep

But you run me dry

You love my syrups

What could have been

I'd write you the best poem ever
But you're not worth my words
These lines have meaning
Sometimes concealed in alcohol
I can't find the tools to break through your walls
You would rather read this blind
In blissful ignorance the world seems fine
The future pales in comparison to what you have now
Many possibilities lie before you
This one is too easy, too early to find
Though none would ever give you what I would
You brush me off like dust
And inconvenience that unsettles you
You'd sweep me under the rug
And settle later for someone who doesn't understand you

A Turd, Gilded

You aim for everest

With only the skill to cross a hill

You wait for gold

When silver is handed to you

You cock your head, bewildered

Offended I'd reach out to you

A corpse sitting quietly

Ready to decay

Delay, postpone salutations

Till a ring would have no place to hang

Keep waiting on prince charming

No one wants the farmer

Every peasant girl is a princess

And every man is a pauper

Untitled

You put a stopper in my heart

The love flows over

Nowhere for it to go

Leaks out when I'm sober

Hourglass

This is the end of an era

The timer has turned

As the sand falls again

Will I find what I yearn?

Will the grains fall empty?

Will I end in turn?

Casualty

I'll explode my words on to your canvass
My love is the bomb
You love to paint
Paint with what's left of me
The shreds clump
To remind you of what I was
Stroke a beautiful scene
Dip your brush in the obscene
My voice avoids your ear
My words sneak past
My efforts fall short
You don't see me
You see only what you wish
I hand you the knife
Only to see you smile
Wipe the blade clean
Now watch me fall
I'll bleed out
And smile for you
As long as you stare
With those beautiful browns
But your mind is somewhere else
I'm just a casualty
Caught in the fire of your love

Whispers

I keep my words whispered

Though I'm screaming inside

These feelings are punishment

To keep my heart in line

Embracing you is masochism

Writhing and feeling alive

Encased by you

The body's natural high

Legs lock

Mouths dance

Hands pull

Eyes glance

You reside inside

That girl laying next to me

I'll be gone

And you'll never hear my whispers

I took them with me

Though I left something behind

I'll swallow words

Till I can say them to another

Carabao

Her crown reigns short

But stands out from among the trees

Her bark is soft

She is unmatched in beauty

When I drew near

Her flowers were clear

No shade of color worthy

Jasmine

The Sampaguita Bloom

That soft aroma

It encased me for days

Kept locked in your aura

The flickering candle

Kindling in your eye

The pink curve

That beauty, called your smile

It lingers here

A memory forever

The future now

Who knows what will whether?

Solar Jihad

There's been so much in the news lately about that solar powered airplane making its trip across the globe. I've been thinking a lot about it.
I was thinking how great it would be to have ab eviornmentally friendly jihad.
Could you imagine a solar powered terrorist? He's flying into New York city at 40 mph. He flies up towards the side of a building screaming, Allahu Ackbar! Top speed, whacks the side of the building, SLAP,  then falls straight down like Wiley Coyote.
Then he's at the base of the building, Still alive and confused as fuck. Where are my virgins?

Just so it's clear, the majority of the posts I recently posted were not written recently. Most of them were written 5-10 years ago. I have never shared them publicly. Enjoy!

More lame bullshit

I lay down

Fall like the foliage

Into my place of rest

Something unsettling

Being here

Something that has left

The sheets are cold

Where you used to be

The pillows un-dented

No shape from your body

Perfumes resonate off the surface

That sweet smell of you

And I daydream now

Memories all here

When it was just us two

Sleep will not come

Nothing fills the void

Your skin isn’t mine

Your body not on top

Your hair isn’t there

Your lips never touch mine

Your eyes never see me

This waking dream

And endless nightmare

In an empty bed

My heart aches while this passes

I long so much for you

But the dream will be much sweeter

The day that it comes true

I could wait forever

Suspended animation

Just for one more kiss

One more moment, cuddle

In complete bliss

Lies

Yes, my lady

That shadow is gone

The slipping silhouette

Real light shines through

Radiating the truth

I cock my head away

My eyes shrink

And belly aches

I held it in

Released it yesterday

Time not defined

For it is nothing

Yes, I do

You aren’t worth my tears

My biggest fears

You cover your self in fecal truth

Deception

Contraception

I speak your language well

The prey

Look

I look around and see

The nights drag by in agony

And Days have fallen out of memory

Solemn light, and somber time

My ears listen to the hum of life

Ever here but never where

The place I long to be

My lustful eyes prey on flesh

Consume the girl

That I’ve just met

Construct seduction

And I’m fine

My fingers lure

My words compel

Till flowers dew

And passions swell

Take her here

And feed her misery

Burning of chemistry

Reactions kindle when we meet

And move swiftly to her feet

Like a cigarette through the night

Void I feel alone tonight

Without the warmth of another’s light

Love is gone when everything is right

Chaos is necessity

For anything to breath and breed in me

I miss the fire burning hips

I long for strands of ember hair

And ashes day

Conflicting pair

Where is she who makes me prey?

Who hunts me down?

Only to lay

Turn tail and cower under me

Screams her love

Screams her hates

Jumps on me and makes me ache

Eyes that cause my earth to quake

Longs for more and more of me to take

Silent is tonight

Silence marks death to my brain

My morals broken

My body slain

No longer can I fester here

No more can I lie in eternity

Craving hurts

And I must feed

Always a seeker of the peace

But now I see reality

Pain is what I want

And Pain is what I need

Lame bullshit

I wish there was something

Something quite good enough for you

And me, I’m just a body

Whose soul is coming after you

Stuck here in this place

With a smile on my face

Dreaming, wishing you

Time, the fickle thing

No reason in thoughts

Not to my heart

I want to take all the miles and throw them away

I want to run across this country

With you at the end of the race

To know just what your lips taste

And I’m not afraid

Not afraid to fall for you

I want to give you something

To let you know I’m real

Perfect happiness is waiting

I know where it is

It’s sitting next to you

Without a doubt

Not a game

Not one that my heart could take

Without it breaking

Over you

untitled

A newborn river tonight

Water flowing tonight

Carving a new path

Never which you have tred before

Feelings released

From my eyes

They seep

Till the time comes again

One day my friend

I could meet you then

One step

Then this life blows

Skanks

Hey girls

Listen to me

Cause this is for you

Beautiful ladies

With men on their mind

Ive given you worth

And more than my time

But unfaithful hearts

Ain’t worth what I got

Your face is god given

Those lips and dimples

They mean nothing

All the curves

Yes, I love to slide

But you can fuck off

Cause this is my is life

All that material, material girl

Means nothing to me

All that glamour, glamour girl

Sends shivers up my spine

I’d take a girl with half the looks

But double the love

A girl with half the books

But double the time

You are nothing

Nothing comes to mind

Worthless nothing

Something divine

Pretty, petty lady

The world has hands wide open

But me?

Mine are folded in closed

And my words are spoken

I will not drool

I will not follow

Where those other men go

I will not speak so high of you

When you have nothing to show

Your heart must be pure

Your words must be true

You must give yourself to me only

And then I’ll consider you

I love how your hair shines

I love the way you grind

I love the shapes, the pucker

Your eyes and your fuck

But you are nothing when it comes to love

You wander around, heart spread

Too many guys

Too much unsaid

Theres too much beauty in this world

Too many people working towards a fucked up goal

All of it means nothing

When god looks down on you

And sees your heart for what it is

There is no black and white

No right and wrong

There is only love and no love

And this is my song

You bitch

Are miles away

To be my girl

You’ll have to change

Really shitty poem

Together, Together

You and I my dear

Yet so far, so far away

One day, one day

Maybe

We could be the picture of

What it means to be in love

But right now thats so far away

You say, you say

You love me

But baby that’s so hard, so hard

To believe

Your words, your words

Mean something and nothing to me

I wish, I wish

I could see

You should be here

Here together with me

You should, you should

Be here forever

And thats what I believe

So come here, come here

My baby

Make this wrong a right

Don’t let me think

The things I’m thinking

And make the wrong choice in my life

If you are, you are

So perfect for me

Come on, come here and prove it

I’m the only one for you

I give you all my time

I’m the only one for you

I give you all my rhymes

Yet you don’t, you don’t

Have a minute of your time

To give, to cherish

A moment just for me

Please give, please cherish just cherish

One second in your day

If I am all you

Just give me a second of your day

Baby, you are the light to me

That brightens every day

Just the thought that everything one day, could be ok

You, you and me belong together

You know its true

So give up, give up a moment

And let me hear you say

That this is something forever

That this love is for real

That something that I’m feeling isn’t wrong

And its ok

Let me, let me know baby

You feel the same way

If all my words speak out to the dust

Then baby, baby I must move away

But you must, must know

Where my heart goes

And I love you forever

Train

Here we are

Me and myself again

With eyes as a looking glass

My window to the world

And I am just a soul

Living in my mind

Persistence in existence

A shallow water dive

A slow train ride

Looking out the window

As the world passes by

I see women baring skin

And affections switching places

People losing races

Starting where they begin

And if love is meant to be

Then why is what I see?

Reality

Fingers touching flesh

Heat in the caress

In my arms I can feel

All the years wasted

All the time gone by

Just one chance to live this life

And the heart just makes you cry

The room keeps right on spinning

And my glass is always full

The colors are all together now

Nothing is what I feel

I can burn all that away

All those wants I need

Time will keep ticking

Spinning, spinning, spinning

In a shallow water dive

My eyes grow red

The thoughts are dead

Walls can catch my fall

Stumbling in the dark

But who will lift me up tomorrow?

Another glass full

So give it up

And give it all away

All those pretty strangers

Looking your way

Actions speak louder

And words are just lies

What every woman wants

They say

But the truth is easier to see

Goodbye night

Goodbye Train

My looking lens is cracked now

The world just ain’t the same

If someone I can find

Something real to me

Then all these words mean nothing now

And I’ll get back on my feet.

Kitty

Kick me in the heart
Encapsulate my soul
Look upon with those sultry eyes
Look down to see me grow
You make my blood flow
Stand a little closer
And feel me as I get harder
No, don't be afraid
This is what it's meant for
I'm all yours
And servant to your body
Go down on my desire
Or crawl on all fours
Make our bodies one
Can't separate them now
Kindle my fire
And I make yours roar
You are slave to my desires, and I am to yours

Bob Dylan Most of The Time: https://youtu.be/lAzcPg5LR5k

You haunt me

Your ghost haunts me daily

It looms over my head

Fills me to my feet

Overburdening and overflowing

Melancholic love

Consuming

A smile would give life to an apparition

A moment in your eyes

One moment before the rest

A touch can soothe the burns

A moment lost in caress

One moment before the rest

The spirit fades into memory

And you in its place

I lay down my arms

I prostrate at your feet

My fears laid open before you

One moment before the rest

Hourglass

The grains emptied slow

Millions of memories and feelings

Filling the reservoir below

Can you turn it upside down?

Can you take back the blows?

Can the sand return?

Somewhere closer to home

Or is it gone now?

Will I never be whole?

Shrapnel

I couldn’t avoid the shotgun blast

People want to talk

Their words are atom bombs

Blowing up my love

Un-needed, reckless destruction to my heart

Her heart, her eyes gaze away

People don’t realize the impact of what they say

Could destroy an evening

Could destroy a life

Silence is golden

When ignorance makes you feel bolder

Don’t tread on my spine

It sharp and prickled

Spread about with land mines

I won’t let you get between

Me and my destiny

My love, she believes in me

Consumed

When you found me
At my weakest
My front, at its strongest
Palisades erected
And your questions deflected
Yet now I long to be one with your form

Your words rained down
Golden arrows of sun
They bit and pierced
The layers off the wall
Your smile exposed me
And now I long to be one with your form

I don't think you're a mind fuck
But you penetrated my brain
My thoughts now consumed by you
My words can do little to explain
But I long to be one with your form
Wrapped tightly around one another
With my lips for comfort
Embracing the night
Rowing in unison
Squeeze me with your limbs
I'll go much deeper
When your pulse quickens
And the milk thickens
We'll give birth to nirvana
And be consumed with each other

Pit

No one knew what’s down the hole

The center of town, lies a pit

Few dared to tread the edge

Round and brown fades into black

The rock ceases only in the darkness

Kids throw stones, but never hear a sound

Widows weep when they get too close

No one dare venture into the unknown

I was curious, adventurous

I tread the rim, brimming with fear

My desire to find, my drive

The sweat dripped from my brow

My foot slipped, my body fell

The blue escaped my eye

The black soon enveloped it

But I did not cease, it did not end

Instead I turned to see light

Reaching out towards my hand

I grabbed hold, and here I am

What a lovely place

Such a gorgeous view

This leading hand

It belongs to you

Winding Down

Winding down

This is the way

Take another to forget

Take another for today

And I give all that I can

What is it that you demand?

Every wish, my command

Washing cycles in my stomach

This is a sick, sick game

Go chasing after a dream

Watch it come crashing down

To burn in the pile

Lit years ago, with ashes knee high

Winding down again

This is my way

Take another for the thoughts

Take another for the pain

Little round candies

Marked with little letters

Wash it down

With a scent that burns my nostrils

But what beautiful colors

You must see

As they form expressionist art

On the walls and upholstery

This is the way you disappear

And repentance for all my years

It was all leading up to this

Winding down

The only way

Why are you still here?

What is it that you fear?

Or is it me?

Yes that’s it

It’s me, isn’t it?

What crawls under me?

Takes over everything

And moves my body

I’m going down

I think I see the end

Some silhouette beckons me

And it’s you that I must bare

So I take another one

Take another one for you

And I’ll meet you there

It burns, winding down

Oh how much it burns

But this will save me

I am prepared

Embracing you is darkness

I am aware

The ash falls off my stick

I drink another lick

Winding down

I’ll meet you there

She will save me

I’ll meet you there

Darkness

Darkness feels

From ear to ear

Cold and warm

Soft and numb

Flying freely into space

What have I become?

Stars pass through my eyes

And light exits through my brain

Time stands still in my ear

Tasting all the drops of rain

The world is upon me once again

And what are hearts?

Not meant to break

And what is love?

Not meant to take

Will someone please, walk me down this way?

The never-ending corridor

White walls

With infinite doors

No ceiling

And no floors

Walk with me, hand in mine

And show me where I can find time

My hand on the knob

Turn it for me and open wide

With your lonely key

You’ve kept inside

What a world behind this door

Hell or paradise

I’m not sure

Depression in expressive waves

Dimly lit and Fading away

Invoking all emotion

The motions law that you made

Gravity is something gray

My heart slows to a shallow beat

I pull the ground from my feet

And I find that no one is here but me

Love is a world far away

Passion exists only today

Chemical seduction

My body’s abduction

A natural imbalanced high

Give me my drug

And Kill the pain

Straight from to vein

And to the brain

Addiction bleeds from the heart

Spilling out across the sea

The door opens from behind

And once again, I know me

Darkness feels warm and home

Alone in space again I go

Microcosm in my mind

The heart dies with the fading stars

The mind goes with each passing day

Alone to float across

An empty shell that once

One day maybe something more

Till you come out

And push me through the door

What remains?

What words can I say?

When the right ones can’t escape

From my ticking mind

Echoes of my heart

I’d pop two of you

But it’s hard to swallow

A drug much needed tonight

For my hands to follow

Truth to me

Is only as I see

In everyone’s eyes

Their living dream

Delirium

It goes round and round

My fingers drag you from the ground

From dirt to my heart

The spaces pull apart

And I have nowhere left to run

Truth to me

Is only as I see

The future I make

Was yours to keep

But it’s all twisted now

Turned upside down

A lonely night

A loaded gun

Words of caliber

Pierce my flesh

Whatever is left

You can have the rest

My anarchy

My little queen

You are my chaos

And my insanity

This night again

On my knees

Noose tied high

Around the rising star

Just on the horizon

Bring a new day

A new dawn on me

Forever shine that light

Eternally

And you can have what’s left of me

trance

Trance

Enchantress

Take a chance tonight

Grasses bend and wave

Smoke plays with the moon

That light coming through

From where its arms can’t reach

Gray and blue

God has lit a trillion candles

Flames flicker off the mantle

The scent of wood perfumes

While its warmth consumes

Under cover

Where skin slides so smooth

Whispering words

I can’t quite make from you

Something says you’re sorry

Others say I love you too

Are we dreaming?

What’s happening in this quiet room?

Laying in dark

My eyes closed

And it feels like I’m not alone

My eyes won’t open

My body can’t let it go

Just one more moment

To lay here with you

I can feel the hair

Brush across my face

I know my lips are dry

But why is it you I taste?

Hide your eyes

Hide your eyes

The sun is gone

I can’t look up

Can’t look up

To see the dawn

Hard wired

Electrical

Impulses

Buzzing through

Buzzing through my brain

Of faces

The many faces

I’ve tasted

Long since gone

Lost too long

Once and over

Over and over

Too many times

The shadow of a color

The echoes of a feeling

Reeling and reeling

But grasp

Try and try to grab

And all is past

Sitting in the silent

With the box shining out to me

Writing words I don’t comprehend

And wondering what is to be

Age and maturity

Ripples and waves

To touch

Yes, my fingers crave

Come out of the light

Come out and find me here

This place and life I try to bind

And all the shit I leave behind

Hide your eyes

The sun is bright

I can’t see

Too much space

And air to breath

Smother me

Smother me

Arms wrapped tight around

No where to run

And I‘ll revel in ecstasy

Zombie

This is me

My life is here

Wandering the desert

In search of care

This world is barren

Miles bare

Empty heart’s broken

With radiant glare

Waking each day

The tedious way

That zombie limp

Their brains decayed

This world goes on

Like clockwork we work

One step closer to despair

All their eyes sewn

To see what is really there

Greed replacing empathy

In everything we share

My eyes seem to wander

And my mind ceases

The words escape me

But I utter them to her

Drawn into shapes

The nature of being a man

In the ruins of love

Where the future is far

I can’t help but wonder

Why is it I stare?

Am I all alone?

And what causes this fear?

I’m spreading thin

Air rises like needles

My mouth opens

And they come out to her

And drag her in

Is it always the same?

Dangerous, fateful

Or a never-ending game

Two

And there were two

One to give in

And one to refuse

But it’s not me

I swear it’s not me

That’s talking to you

Something is changing

Splitting deep inside

I am trapped behind

The person I hide

Smoke rises slowly

To ceiling where I reside

And the fuel burns

As it goes down

Where memories die

I’m thinking in a new way

A new way, not the good kind

And my world is ending

But my body will survive

In this twisted form I give

The twisted words I say

I tell them all to you

Inching hearts closer

Bodies sicken

My skin is getting closer

Closer to friction

Come, please come soon

The soul needs release

Passion to make me a fool

Degeneration

Degeneration

Where have all the morals gone?

You think you’ve found all the answers

But then it slips away

While I sit and sing my song

So you take another drink

And pop another pill

Hoping that man will come along

Your dream in reality

The one to fit your bill

Your list is long

No one ever makes it through

When you found a man to be there

Another always comes to you

Superficial is the game

And contradictions what you seek

Friction is a coin toss

A predator each week

Words don’t mean a thing

Just like the air you breathe

Little a heart

Careless for yourself

You only live to bleed

You’ll never know

And never find what you seek

A good thing is too easy

Maturity is too blind

So lets be bare

And open

And never whisper words

The air that leaves our lips

Only in moans and groans

Whispering in the wind

The world is filled with voices
They weave a web of thought
They hum in muddled harmony
Trying to have my words heard
Is like whispering in to the wind

Retired

Someone else always said it better

Or so I've said since these letters retired

I'd given up the pen

And taken up a beer

Until today, when these feelings reappear

Something stirring in this cold old soul

Turmoil boiling spilling out over onto this page

A sharp pain, my sweet old muse

I taste your sweet lips again

The Shell

You fabricate

Your paper mache heart

With the hollow voices

Of the men you love

You subjugate

Loves binding strings

Making something meaningless

You wander

Wonder about what’s beyond

Gather

The looks and stares from everyone

They can’t see

Inside, what is happening

Black blood

Coursing to an empty shell

What once was is gone away

The Dam that buckles, seldom breaks

  They say that women are the more emotional of the sexes. That may be true, but the saddest folks I've ever met were men. Hidden behind stoicism is a buckling dam that refuses to break.
  Society forgets the "stronger" sex, The homeless, the fallen warriors, the veterans, the incarcerated and the emascualted. I have never seen sadness such as a broken man, children stripped away without an ally within the state.
  We chase an illusion of love that only exists in media and our minds. Is it any coincidence that the greatest works of art, the saddest songs, and most heartbreaking poetry come from the mind of such men?
  Of course women feel. Of course they have strong feelings and emotions. But speaking from the heart, as a man, can one ever truly understand the level of pain a man holds in? Many will never know what it is like to be truly alone, without ally, with unrequited love as your only friend, and creep as your only term of endearment.

Driving in MA

  For some of you, I know it may be hard to commit. Please, for the love of god, if you decide to take an exit on the highway, move the fuck over! I'm tired of being stuck behind someone in the right lane while they prance in and out along the edge of the lane. Take the fucking exit!

Drive through

   It occurred to me today, that many people in America don't understand drive-through ettiquite.
  A drive-through is meant to be express service, quick service. It is not intended for you to roll by in your minivan full of sniffling little rug rats and order half of the menu, because your fat ass is too lazy to get of the car for 10 minutes to order inside. How many of us must wait behind you, while the poor workers rush to satisfy your gluttony, and we slowly die from caffeine withdrawal?

Here's a tip, if you have more than 2 things to order. Go inside!

The Douchebags, Unwanted

  Have you ever stayed somewhere long past your welcome? Have you ever had complete disregard for everyone around you?

That was my experience this evening.

There is a very small restaurant which I visit occasionally. The service and food are generally great. I've always had wonderful experiences there.
  My girl and I decided to head out to eat tonight. Once we arrived at the location we noticed it was much busier than usual. Given the size of this location, I could tell we were going to have to wait a bit.
  We stood next to the normal, seat yourself sign, unable to because all seats were taken. The waiter greeted us and let us know the wait would likely be 30-40 minutes.
  As we stood there waiting I took notice of a ridiculous 3 table arrangement with only 3 people sitting there. There were empty plates, and cups scattered about. Food was packaged in to-go containers.
  Time ticked by, and these folks were still there, 10, 20, 30 minutes. I began to fume inside. A line had formed behind of us. We're these people that fucking oblivious? Get the fuck up and go outside. No. They just sat there laughing and chatting, not eating or drinking anything.
  Eventually, we were seated at the bar. We enjoyed the rest of our dining experience while frequently looking back at these douchebags.
  We managed to finish our meal, pay, and leave while these folks were still gabbing.

For the love of god, have some fucking courtesy.